Offline Dating

Last weekend I was visiting with some friends when one of them asked me if I was still doing the online dating thing. I told her that I was momentarily fed up with the bullshit that seems to come along with online dating, and how for the past month I had tried a new, novel idea: offline dating.

That's right. I have been meeting men in normal, every day places, and getting to know them in an old-fashioned way, minus the cushion of cyber space. And it has been remarkably refreshing. No awkward "What do I send as a first message" drama. No need to sum up the entirety of myself into one bullshit "About Me" box. Just plain, good ol' fashioned, meet up at a pub and get to know each other dating. 

Once I coined this term to her though it made me wonder if one day, not too far into the future, people will be paying companies to orchestrate their own "Offline Dating" scenario. Picture this: you pay a company (much like eHarmony) who will carefully conjure up a way for you to meet someone with similar interests in a seemingly normal scenario. In line at the supermarket, at the movies, at a mutual friend's house. People paying big money to avoid the tiring world of online dating, where your picture is scrutinized more than your personality. (Now that I think of it, I'm sure such a company probably does exist already...)

And since I have been stuck in a poetry phase (I truly do apologize for this), I put down some of my thoughts about this online obsession in a poem: 

Unplugged

Lost in a world of technology -

It's soaked me up like a wet sponge.

Not sure any more of my identity,

Is it the girl in the mirror,

Or the girl on my Facebook wall?

I'm watching my thoughts becoming extinct

As the world re-names them as 'tweets'.

I've started anonymously blogging to no one,

So maybe I write it to myself.

I long for a time of pen and paper 

And stamps again.

For love letters to hold 

Instead of reading on a screen.

To be kept in my own memory

Instead of my computers.

I long for a time when love was found

On a street corner or a coffee shop,

Instead of a virtual world 

Littered by cheap advertisements.

I think it might be time for me to unplug,

In order to find love and myself

The old-fashioned way.

Pick Up Trick #4

Be A Sport


This past weekend I went to two professional baseball games and learned something interesting... this is the BEST pick up place ever.


Here's why. The guys are hot. Ladies, you keep wondering where all the attractive men are on weekends? Look no further. They are all conveniently crammed into one place for some easy pickin. And since it's baseball there are no missing teeth and mashed in faces like hockey, and no old leathery skin like golf. Fact: baseball attracts attractive guys.


So here is your recipe for success picking up at the game:


SUIT UP: Nothing screams sexy to a guy like an old vintage, stained polyester jersey. Seriously though. I wanted to rock the team spirit all the way, so I dug up an old school jersey from a market and it was a huge hit. I had guys coming up to me before I even entered the stadium telling me "That jersey is SICK."(Sick in the good way, that is) Mustard stains and all ladies... no cleavage necessary.


MAN UP: If you do a little research and actually learn your stuff you can impress the guys at game time. Don't be the annoying girl like the one who sat beside me... "What is the score again?" (Look at the scoreboard dummy.) "How many innings are there?" (Barf.) If you're going to go, man up and learn the rules of the game.


DRINK UP: The sun is shining. The beer is flowing. Even if the beers cost $12 for a tiny cup, everyone is there to have a good time, kick back, and be social. Plus the tiny little seats force new friendships fast. So drink up if you need a little liquid courage to talk to the hottie squished to your left.


PICK UP: You've got everything you need to land a man. So next Saturday, boycott the bar and move the search to your local stadium... I promise you won't be disappointed.


Play ball!