The Princess & The Pea-nis

We're all familiar with the old fairy-tale story of the Princess and the Pea. In order to discover if the girl was truly a princess, a pea was hidden in her bed to see if she would feel it. Well, she did, and she bitched and moaned about how the teeny pea hurt her poor back. Well I'd like to tell that little princess: at least it wasn't a big, hard penis poking into her backside.


A few weeks ago I met a cute boy at the bar. Yes, I know, the bar isn't where I am going to meet Mr. Right, but it was a good place to meet Mr. Right Now. So Tyson and I got to chatting and he invited me home. When we got back to his apartment I was not only impressed by how immaculately clean his place was, but by his lovely king-sized, duvet-covered bed. I instantly fell in love with Tyson's bed and was even more delighted by his black-out blinds. The fact that there was no construction happening outside his window at 7am, like there was on my street for the previous week, was an added bonus. So even though the fooling around was only mediocre, I decided he had earned himself another date.

Unfortunately, the second date make-out was no better. The intended movie we rented was left unseen as Tyson sloppily kissed me and pried at my jeans, eager to get me into his bed. I was equally eager to get into his bed, but for a very different reason. I had not had a decent night's sleep with the damn construction on my street. While I thought I could dismiss Ty's attempts to seduce me, he was ever persistent and was literally spooning me with his hard penis jamming into my back all night. I don't know if this guy popped a Viagra before I arrived, but I swear to God it did not go flaccid for 8 hours straight.

The next morning, instead of feeling restful and happy to awake to quiet darkness, I awoke to a pain in my backside... literally. So maybe I was a princess for trying to use a guy for his bed, but I endured a hell of a lot more than a teeny pea as my punishment.