Monday, 20 June 2011

The Hyena

If you had asked me a month ago, a week ago even, whether a laugh could be a deal-breaker for me, I would have absolutely said 'no'. Because, someone would have to be really shallow to judge a person on their laugh. Let me repeat : I would have said 'no'... before I met "The Hyena".


John and I met from my favourite site, Plenty Of Freaks. And I foolishly went into our date hopeful that my Prince Charming would be waiting for me. Instead, I ended up waiting for him because he showed up 30 minutes late. I might have left if he hadn't been incredibly handsome and super apologetic. The conversation was pretty good, and I was impressed, when halfway through the date, John asked me if I was free later in week to meet up again. Obviously this was a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point kind of guy. So, I agreed.


Date number two took place at his condo, despite my father's protests when he cornered me before leaving. "A real man wouldn't invite you over for a second date," he warned. "He's no man of integrity!" So, maybe I should have listened to my over-protective father. It would have saved me from the wretched date that followed. But, I suppose, I would have nothing to type for you all today.


John's condo was beautiful. A two-story loft, spacious, modernly decorated. He even had a coffee table with an open flame swirling fire pit in the middle. I was very impressed. So we drove to the movie store and rented the film 'Get Him To The Greek'. I'm a big fan of comedies and I assumed it would be good for a laugh or two. I was wrong.


We got back to John's mind-blowing loft, snuggled up on the couch with some hot cocoa and some cheesecake. I was priding myself in going on date two, despite my dad's protests. But then the movie started, and so the funny started.... and so the laughing started.


Words cannot describe the noises that came from this handsome guy's mouth. The only way I can describe it is that he must be half hyena. Short, high-pitched shrieks, echoed off the walls. It was so ear-piercing that I actually had to check if my ears were bleeding. And if you have not yet seen 'Get Him To The Greek', it is hilarious, making my date all the more painful. I sat there, with him pulling me close beside him, and desperately wished that we had rented anything else. 'Schindler's List' would have been perfect. Why, oh why, did I not pick that off the shelf?


The night ended awkwardly. Part of me wanted to help the poor, handsome hyena man by telling him about his awful laugh. But then he may never laugh again... And maybe there is some part hyena woman roaming the streets, looking for her soul mate. So I left, I ignored his texts, and I haven't looked back. And I will never, ever, take a guy's normal laugh for granted again. All future dates can thank "The Hyena" for that.

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