The Lip Biter

The other night, despite my better judgement, I allowed a girlfriend of mine to drag me along to a kegger. That's right... a house full of young, horny students, drinking cheap, flat beer, all trying to pick up the opposite sex likes it's their job. I figured I'm not getting any younger, so it might be one of the last keggers I ever attend. 


I was pleasantly surprised when I arrived, as the crowd was a bit older like myself, and the house not a typical "student house". I even spotted a couple cute guys right off the bat, so I decided to stay.


One hour later, with a stomach full of cheap beer, my friend who brought me, announced that she was ready to leave. "But the party just got staaaaarted!" I slurred. The cute boy that I was nuzzled up with on the couch, nodded like I was some wise guru, sharing a deep philosophical thought. So, my girlfriend decided to leave, and I decided to stay at the party now knowing no one, minus the eye candy on my shoulder. Hey, I was at a kegger... so why not act like it?


Another hour later, I had a great buzz on, and was just about drunk enough to make out with whats-his-face, when he got dragged along on a booze run with some friends. Because there clearly wasn't enough booze in the house already. A bit disappointed, I slumped on the couch, contemplating my next move, when something very odd happened.

A tomboyish girl came up to me and told me to quit being so glum. "Dance with me!" she called over the music. So I did.  I danced one lame techno song with her in the living room and then sat back down. She grabbed my arm and insisted on another dance. I politely declined, so she proceeded to "convince" me by initiating some creepy one-sided tickle fight. At this point I started to clue in that maybe she wasn't just interested in dancing with me. I wriggled myself free of the tickle fight, wrapped myself up in a blanket, and plunked back onto the couch.

And then.... I kid you not... she sat down on top of me, and with the force of the great hulk, kissed (or should I say BIT) me. Hard. On the lips. At this point we became the highlight of the kegger. Everyone was interested in the lesbian action happening on the couch and my red face was quickly turning deep shade of purple. 


"I've been wanting to do that since the moment you walked in," she purred to me. So, I've apparently got irresistible lips- who can blame the girl? I told her I wasn't really comfortable with this, and she took that as her cue to kiss me again. But again, it was more of a bite/ sucking my lips off. It literally took all my strength to de-pry her again. "If you're not comfortable with everyone around, then we could go somewhere more private," she added. I told her, that wasn't the part that was making me uncomfortable.


I swear at this point the rest of the party stopped. Everyone should have gotten popcorn and reclined in their lazyboys. Cause this was top-drawer entertainment. Through my drunken haze, I finally snapped out of it enough to be blunt, cause this girl was not taking a hint. I told her I go one way, and one way only... and that's the penis way (Or something equally as profound). So she got in a huff and stalked away, the party resumed, and cute boy re-entered right on cue. 


I did end up getting my make out with the boy, but my real souvenir from that night was the purple bruise I woke up with the next morning, on my lip, from the ever persistent lip biter.